Week 4 Been really ill this week , lost momentum

Really been a struggle this week been really sick. Every one around me is sick too. Illness seems to be hitting every one. Seems to be a shift in pain inside my self this week don’t know if its to do with me been ill. I can’t move I feel so numb inside my self. Still waiting to start work with children feel like it will never come. Feels like every think is stopping me from getting were I want to be. I came back to England to make changes in my life to change careers to find my self to move forward from a place were I wasn’t happy. I want more in my live I want to help. I want to be my heart. I don’t know why I don’t love my self. I don’t know why I allow people to hurt me with their lies. I won’t let you win. I will continue to tell my truth. I will love my self. I am in England to make a difference to my life knowing there is nothing for me and my heart in Majorca, apart from my son. My heart is in pain because I no I am making the right choice yet my son is suffering because I am not with him. How can I make a better life for my boy, Staying on an island were there is nothing there for me, Only people who survive all ready have money. No body is bettering them self’s there just living paycheck to pay check. I want more then that for me and my son. Spanish young teenagers can’t even get jobs. How is my son going to get a job. I don’t want my son to work in the tourist side of Majorca. I want him to have options. I want him to be pure hearted. I don’t want him to suffer. How is he going to do well in life when the education system is so far behind? Why am I been punished for making a choice to better my self and my life? To find my life purpose witch I no is to help others. It hurts when you can see thinks and others can’t. I stayed there for my son and I am suffering inside. No more In time you will see that I made the right choice. Its hard when he doesn’t want to talk to me because I am not there. My insides twist up inside the pain kills me. My son as been my life since he’s been born and I am still fighting for the respect I don’t get. Ill fight threw this and I will win. Ill face up to my mistakes and I will love my self. But even though I am away from my boy right now its for him that I am. I can’t even make choices for him because the law says I have no rights. No matter weather you’re a women or a man please ask your self how it would make you feel inside if the choices were taking away from you because the law says so. I want my son in a better situation a better school, I want him to grow.

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One thought on “Week 4 Been really ill this week , lost momentum

  1. Hi Dean
    I see that it is really hard right now, but as you say yourself this is the right thing.
    By becoming the man you want to be, you will get the respect you are in title too, and your son will learn to understand why you made these choices.
    Stay strong and dig in your sit and assignments.. It will change 🙂

    Like

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